Valentine's Day Jokes , Humor & Riddles - Valentine's Day 14 February Special

Valentine's Day 14 February Special

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OSAMA'S VALENTINE

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

THE DIVORCE LAWYER

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

What did the boy elephant say to the girl elephant on Valentine's Day?

I love you a ton!

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

What happened when the two angels got married?

They lived harpily ever after!

Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?

Because you always heart the one you love!

What did the boy bat say to the girl bat on Valentine's Day?

You're fun to hang around with!

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?

You're purrr-fect for me!

What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle on Valentine's Day?

You mean a great dill to me!

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?

Let me call you Tweet heart!

What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?

I'm nuts about you!

What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day?

You're nuts so bad yourself!

What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine's Day?

Some bunny likes you!

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?

"I love you with all my art!"

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?

He gives it a valenshine!

What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?

"I've got a crutch on you!"

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?

It was a case of guppy love.

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts!

What do you call a very small valentine?

A valentiny!

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?

"Be my valenstein!"

Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?

Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration?

Because you can really party hearty!

What did one oar say to the other?

"Can I interest you in a little row-mance?"

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Emma.

Emma who?

Emma hoping I'll get lots of Valentine cards!

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Jimmy.

Jimmy who?

Jimmy a little kiss?

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Atlas.

Atlas who?

Atlas Valentine's Day is here!