No one ever said dating was easy. First dates are awkward, second dates are expectant and the dates that follow that — during which two people really start getting down to the business of getting to know each other — present hundreds, if not thousands, of opportunities for missteps, faux pas, blunders and mistakes. That is to say nothing of the myriad chances for problems to which you could fall prey while arranging, planning and preparing for dates.

We call too often or not enough, we’re too available or never around, we wear sandals to fancy restaurants, laugh hysterically at bad jokes, show up with blue carnations, gab on our cell phones during dinner and commit countless other dating crimes, mostly without realizing we’re doing it. No doubt about it — bad dating behavior is a rampant affliction, and it’s time to cure it with some common sense advice.

If dating is a game, then just like any other game, there are rules you need to study, learn and follow. After all, you wouldn’t take the field without knowing where the base lines are, would you? (For those of you who are immune to ball field metaphors, the answer is “no.”) While none of these do’s and don’ts are set in stone — and, as your mother told you, there are obviously exceptions to every rule — here we attempt to equip you with an idiot-proof playbook for the fast-paced, intense, exciting, full-contact sport of searching for someone with whom to fall in love.

Dating Rules — Do’s

1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual. Showing up late or looking messy gives the impression that you don’t care — and, if that’s the case, why go out with this person in the first place?

2. Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.

3. Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it’s nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.

4. Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.

5. Do tell someone directly if you’re not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you’re too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don’t want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently — but firmly — as possible.

6. Do date only people you’re attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn’t prove a thing.

7. Do stay positive, even when dates don’t end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.

8. Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.

9. Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you’ve been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.

10. Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.

Dating Rules — Don’ts

1. Don’t call, text message or email someone you’ve just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs.

2. Don’t date the kind of people who’ve hurt you in the past. Many of us are attracted to people who are bad for us, but it’s important to break these patterns and seek out healthy relationships with matches who won’t demean you or make you feel bad about yourself in any way.

3. Don’t be late for a date. It’s just rude. If you have to change your plans, give the other person as much notice and consideration as possible. And always apologize.

4. Don’t lie to your date or about any aspect of your life, even if the truth isn’t as sexy or you’re worried they won’t like it. It would be awful to ruin a potentially life-changing relationship with your perfect match because of some silly lie you told early on to impress him or her.

5. Don’t be too available. We don’t mean you should play games, but if you’re free every night, you’re probably not taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends — which means you’re probably not very interesting to talk to. People with full, exciting lives make the best dates.

6. Don’t give away too much about yourself at the beginning. Revealing your innermost secrets on the second date can lead to rejection. Don’t be scared to open up, but remember that getting to know someone takes time, and you should let your relationship evolve.

7. Don’t check out other people when you’re on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you’re scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door. Extend your partner the courtesy of concentrating solely on them while you’re with them.

8. Don’t be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.

9. Don’t ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged — and make sure to tell your friends where you’re going and when you’ll be back. First dates should take place in well-lit public places. Don’t ever let yourself be coerced into going anywhere or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.

10. Don’t give out personal information like your home phone number or address on the first date. Keep these details to yourself until you trust the person you’re dating.

11. Don’t have sex on a first date. If you like someone and are interested in getting to know them better (and possibly having a relationship), sex on a first date will likely ruin everything. It’s much too soon, it’s not romantic and it communicates to the other person that you’re more interested in their physical characteristics than in finding out who they are.

12. Never date a married person. Statistically, it is very unlikely that they will ever leave their husband or wife for you. Dating someone who’s married is the best way to serve yourself a heaping helping of misery, lies, deceit, sadness and heartache. If you are married, separate before dating. If you’re single, don’t be a shoulder to cry on — you deserve better. Go out and find someone who’s emotionally (and legally) available to you!

In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don’t take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s 1995 bestseller “The Rules,” explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.

I wish there weren’t any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.

You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.

General Dating Rules

•Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
•Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
•Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
•Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
•Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
•Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn’t know what a florist is, dump him.
•Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
•Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.
•Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
•If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
•Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
•Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
•Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
•Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
•Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
•If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
•If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
•Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
•Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
•If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
•You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
•If you want a child, don’t mention it on the first few dates.
•Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules

•Always let them come to you, don’t chase them via email.
•Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
•Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
•Don’t reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
•Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
•Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
•Never provide your real email or phone details.
•Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
•Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
•Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
•Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
•Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
•Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
•If you don’t want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
•A man who doesn’t reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
•Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
•Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
•Don’t even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
•Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.

You are a guy who is always in a serious relationship. You are a guy who hasn’t dated in years. Or maybe you’re a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation, there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These conventions even the playing field, preparing you for success while protected your emotions. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But you won’t be outgunned if you properly prepare for the battle.

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes, even if you last checked your Nikes in 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don’t just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. Buy a nice tailored suit, there is no excuse not to. If you can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?

2. Sort out your hygiene and styling. Go down to the barbers and clean up your hair, getting it styled if possible. If you don’t have much hair, still get down to the salon, maybe get your head shaved. Or just get a regular shave, a professional shave will leave your face looking and feeling great. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine so you will always smell fresh and clean. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life. Coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (though I’d give it a go, I love skateboarding). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. If possible try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself, and if you already do, then you are on the right track. But know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future plans because women will ask questions about your prospects. Even if they pretend it isn’t important, it is.

4. Be in the know. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity, and laziness is no excuse for sounding dumb. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world we live in. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously. If you don’t, make plans to travel and tell her about it. Proving you are willing and able to plan vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess’s heart. If you spend all your time boozing with the boys, it’s time to take a step back and pick up some more productive habits. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, especially if you take her to get cocktails at a nice lounge, but give them the impression that you live there will get you absolutely nowhere fast.

6. Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoying watch the game with your buddies, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favorite player’s number tattooed on your back, you may have a problem. If you are serious about dating, rattling off baseball stats, ranting about unfair umpires and constantly check the score will put them off in record time. To the uninitiated, sports are completely boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but don’t make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex, you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams, there is nothing sexier than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman.

10. Read up on manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant. Know about fashion, jewelry and flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you’ll be on the right path.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don’t turn into a one-man circus. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her even more.

12. Give up smoking. Now.

13. Learn to dance even if you have two left feet. Women love to dance and it puts you two in close contact. It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world’s worst dancer, I don’t care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. Try joining salsa and ballroom classes. You don’t need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.

Men make lots of mistakes when dating but as it is not an exact science then that’s hardly surprising. What works with one girl, doesn’t work with another and of course every situation is different. Having said that there are some common flourishes that men constantly make that doom them to a Titanic-like lifestyle of dating disasters.

Overall, much of what men get wrong are in the basic assumptions as to what they think women are thinking. Pre-guessing or second-guessing a woman is akin to gambling your entire life in Roulette number 27. You are highly likely to lose my friend. So what mistakes have you been making?

•Numero uno, arrogance. Oh yes, you know who you are you arrogant fools. Bragging and boasting about your exploits, achievements, successes, popularity and possessions only makes a woman think you are a fool. How do you know she isn’t more talented than you, she probably is.
•Being flash with your cash. She is probably more career-orientated and successful than you and would be the major breadwinner if you got together so do no assume you are Mr. Rich unless you truly are. And if you are, a woman loves understated class and style, not a man who insists she drinks Crystal champagne by the bucketload and drives with him in a Ferrari to the supermarket. Ironically, being flash means you are more likely to remain single. You can sleep with your money instead.
•Telling her you understand women. You don’t and you won’t and probably never will. So trying to emphathize should be terated with caution. She wants a man not another gay best-friend.
•Getting your humor wrong. You may think you are due a season at the Luxor in Vegas but being a one man entertainer is somewhat subjective. Your audience may not be on the same wavelength (yet) and may not think you are as funny as you think you are. If you truly are so funny, take her to an open-mike comedy store and impress the entire audience and hope it rubs off on her.
•Not listening to her. Conversation is a two-way process, not a CB radio with your finger permanently on the Speak button. Wise up and start listening to what she is telling you, because she may well be telling you the path to her heart. If you are talking, you are not listening!
•Assuming you are so attractive. By all means love yourself before anyone else does, but vanity in men stinks. Good looking does not mean being sexy or attractive. If you are popular with the girls, let her work that out for herself.
•Talking about ex’s and in particular about old girlfriends in a bad way. One day she may be your ex and she doesn’t want a preview of how you may talk about her to her replacement.
•Revealing too much too soon. Do not open yourself up like an open book. Where is the mystery in that. She wants to not know what you’re thinking but she wants to guess. She wants the challenge of finding out and making you hers, not being handed everything on a plate so that she knows every last detail about you. So keep quiet.
•Looking at other women when you are with her. There is seriously nothing more unattractive than a man who checks out the competition whilst she is sitting opposite. Leave your glances at other girls until when she is well out of sight and not before.
•Making comments about her in public may be funny and amusing and meant as a joke but she wants to feel adored and does not appreciate jokes about her ass, however accurate an observational comedian you are. Treat her like a princess and ensure she is walking on air when you drop her off.
•Men are often far more boring than they think. If you let her do the talking then be witty and interesting in reply to keep her interest. Introducing her to plane spotting and your love of all things mechanical will make her eyes glaze over. Start becoming interesting right now.
•Far too few men retain their enigma and are more available than they should be. A woman should want to get to know you but should work for it.
•Lacking commitment and ambition are common mistakes that you give away all too easily. You may not want to be the next President but she wants to know she has made a major catch in you. At least you should have potential. I am not suggesting you lie, but I am suggesting you think about why she should think you are so special and work on it.
•Listen guys, stop talking about sex. It comes across as if you are desperate. Trying to get her in the sack as if it was a WWF challenge won’t work either. For women sex is subtle and comes in many forms and guises so start learning about what she wants and try and detach yourself from your balls.
•If she encourages you to talk about sex, do anything you can to avoid it. You must retain your enigma and be a challenge for her or you will fail.
•The woman of your dreams is a free spirit and deserves to be treated as such, and not as your possession. She doesn’t owe you anything so the merest hint of possessiveness and she is gone. Stop being so dumb when it comes to self-confidence. If she loves you, she will stay, if you don’t deserve it, she will leave. Simple.
•Oh and by the way, you can be all these things and be nice too so get the check.

Romantic memories about our romantic lives are important to all of us. I worked out once that in my adult life I had actually been single 14.5 years out of my first 20 adult years. It never actually felt like that but when I added up the time that I had really been with people in a proper sexual relationship, it was 6.5 years in 20 that I hadn’t been single. I am sure some people who have been married for 20 years could say the same thing. I always believed that it was better to be alone, than lonely within a relationship and I think that kept me grounded.

To be sure, I had had some great relationships beginning when I was 17 or 18 and occurring intermittently through my 20’s and 30’s and none of them I regretted (well maybe one more recently). I had always felt like relationships were easy to begin if I wanted and dates were never very hard to find if I made the effort. So really I look back on my teenage years, my twenties and my thirties as busy decades of dating and relating. After adding up the figures above I was amazed therefore to find out just how long I have been single. So why do I think that I have notbeen single so much?

Well the answer lies in my romantic memories and how I use them. If one has had some nice relationship experiences then they can sustain you for years afterwards. They are like love-food that helps keep you stable and hopeful. The memory of nice times in relationships is something that can be drawn on and reused over and over again. I rarely relate to how my relationships ended, though I do remember how. But during solitary spells in my life I have found that thinking back to when I was together with a certain person provides an underlying strength of character.

Romantic memories are crucial for single people because they re-enforce belief and a sense of optimism. Often I am asked if I believe in love at first sight or true love or Mr. Right or the perfect mate and I do. I do because I am a dreamer. I do because it makes the world a better and nicer place to be. I do because I choose to believe that relationships can be solid and stable and trusting and warm and comfortable as well as sexy, passionate and dramatic. Without romantic memories we have little to work on which we can relate to. We need our own sense of perspective when moving forwards and we do this by relating to our past emotional experiences.

Romantic memories can be a double edged sword because over the years they allow us to overanalyze past relationships and emotional situations. It is best to accept that we did what we did due to the best of our knowledge at the time. If a relationship ended badly let it go. If it was your fault, learn and grow from your mistakes and move on. If you were at the receiving end you may still be fighting for answers even years later and it often stunts our emotional development. Again the key ingredient is to try and learn and move on and perhaps form your own answers if there are none available. But bad memories must be put to rest before we are ready for new relationships.

My own romantic memories have proven a fountain of wealth over my singe years. The earliest innocent relationships remind me of the purity of being in love and being able to grow with another person. Later romantic memories allow me to understand how relationships can grow and build in a more mature sense. I never compare any relationships I have had as each must be remembered as being unique. But I can find great comfort and happiness in knowing how things can be between two people.

I find that thinking about romantic memories allows me to relax, it allows me to think of positive ideas on new dates, it allows me to not repeat mistakes and it allows me a sense of positivity and success. When you have been single for a while it is easy to think that you will never find anyone. By thinking back to romantic good-ties you should be able to reaffirm that you are a winner in romance and that you do have what it takes and that you must be patient.

Romantic memories allow us to be specific about what we are looking for in the future and what basics must be included in future partner characteristics. For example, after dating quite a few girls, I know what kind of character suits me best. I have learned how to compromise along the way, how the physical attraction is heightened exponentially by mental attraction and how being with someone in the longer term, is what life is all about.

Being single isn’t great. The only people who tell you it is are people aged 18 or people who are in bad relationships and want to get out. Yes the grass is always greener. The problem with being single is that is is essentially a lonely state of play. You have companionship through friends but you do hope of meeting someone special to share everything with. Let’s speak plainly, it is natural to want to be with someone.

The point of this short article is to stress that romantic memories are a source of strength for single people. There is absolutely no harm in looking back at previous relationships and finding sources of inspiration within. I can easily argue that we are who we have dated. The person who stands in front of the mirror today is as much the person who has dated certain people, as the food they have eaten. I think that if you are single today then try looking back on the relationships you have had to see if there are things there that can be useful as sources of optimism and fuel for the future.

If you have had mainly bad times then your memories are not romantic so ditch them and get rid of them. There is no use in looking back at what might have been. Romantic memories are only useful where they confirm a sense of love and understanding that currently you don’t have. The previous relationships are over, but the memories of good times will do a lot for you to drive you through to achieving romantic success in future.

Positive thoughts:

•Remember the good times and work out what you learned
•Remember what it felt like to be in love
•Think of the lessons you have learned from your relationships
•Decide what you like and what you don’t from these memories
•Realize that there is nothing wrong to use past relationships as a basis for positive energy
•Learn to look forward from the past
•Forget trying to mentally fix past relationships – they’re over
Do allow your children to have a view of your date but do not let their views influence your own judgment. A child may be jealous of losing attention.

My list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give you ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost, or just simply for some ideas. My advice is to print this list off and give it to your partner and then take turns each on fulfilling what each other wants.

Always remember that just because you have started dating and may be seeing someone in the beginnings of your new relationship that you do not forget how to be romantic. If anything, the longer you date someone the more romantic you become.

1. Hug him/her.

2. Write a love note.

3. Call him/her at work just to say “Hi”.

4. Give him/her a foot massage.

5. Tell him/her a joke.

6. Caress him/her with slow gentle strokes.

7. Go for a walk with him/her.

8. Admit your mistakes.

9. Say: “I love you”.

10. Indulge a whim.

11. Listen to him/her talk about an interest of his/hers.

12. Be trustworthy.

13. Instead of complaining, tell him/her what you would prefer.

14. Look at him/her when you’re in a discussion.

15. Send him/her flowers. (They’re not just for us girls).

16. Compliment something he/she did.

17. Offer to help.

18. Ask him/her to show you how to do something.

19. Write him/her a poem about how special he/she is to you.

20. Ask him/her what he/she’d like sexually.

21. Take an afternoon drive.

22. Go away together for a weekend holiday.

23. Do something he/she wants to do.

24. Listen to him/her (even if he is boring you).

25. Plan a candlelit dinner.

26. Look at old photos together.

27. Serve him/her breakfast in bed.

28. Take a shower together.

29. Share sexual fantasies.

30. Do a work project together.

31. Give him/her an all over body massage.

32. Plan a picnic lunch.

33. Repeat what he/she says before answering.

34. Send him/her a card.

35. Surprise him/her with a gift.

36. Cook his/her favorite meal.

37. Put on some romantic music.

38. Put together a compilation tape of both your favorite songs.

39. Ask for his/her opinion.

40. Ask him/her how they feel.

41. Let him/her know when you are proud of them.

42. Invite him/her to a secret rendezvous.

43. Listen openly to his/her opposing opinion.

44. Watch his/her favorite TV program with them.

45. Watch a sunset together.

46. Play a game together.

47. Have him/her teach you something he/she knows.

48. Go to a movie of his/her choice.

49. Meet him/her for lunch.

50. Let him/her know you care.

Buying a gift for a date is prone to disaster so some careful thinking is involved. You meet someone, you like them, you want to please them so its only natural in our commercial world to want to get your plastic out and start spending. Wrong, stop an think about what you are doing. Gifts don’t buy love so neither do you. You love someone and they love you for genuine emotional reasons. Yes buying a present or two emphasizes kindness but it doesn’t play a major factor. For those who are well impressed by all gifts received, do yourself a favor and steer well clear.

To buy a dating gift well you need to know your lover first, well enough to surprise them and show some of your excellent imagination. The smallest amount of imagination shows forethought and kindness and it shows that you listen well. Which in a man’s case is hugely to his advantage when dating. Listen to her and surprise her later, much later.

When you first begin dating, you should show your knowledge and appreciation of the things you have learned about your new partner in very simple terms. For men you should buy flowers, small amounts of pretty natural flowers, not glaring bouquets of red roses. Don’t buy flowers every day because everything in large amounts is heavily devalued. Always give in person where you can as deliveries are too impersonal. Also look for pictures and books that she likes, the smallest of teddy bears perhaps and leave it there. For women, its often hard to buy for men but most have some keen interests in a sport or hobby they will have talked about and therefore once again keep it small but pertinent.

You should not then buy further presents until your dating evolves over the next 3 months. If a birthday arises then buy the other dinner as a treat and perhaps the smallest of dating gifts. If Christmas or a religious festival arises in this early period again keep it small and personal.

At the end of 3 months buy a gift for your partner that signifies this small landmark, just one item. Don’t make a big thing out of it but make it personal and in keeping with the character of your date. Splashing out on a trip to Venice can wait for your honeymoon. Guys, keep getting your lover small bunches of flowers and mean it when you give them.

You should then infrequently treat your partner with gifts until your first anniversary at which stage you can then let your imagination run riot. Once you approach your first year you really will be on the right road and now is the time to splash out and buy something more significant, whether it be a piece of keepsake jewelry or a watch or luxury item.

I know one couple who are friends who now buy each other more than 100 presents each at Christmas time.. It is their way of going crazy over each other and they both get immense satisfaction in the amount of creative thinking involved in selecting presents. However this kind of lavishness (if you can afford it) does come, but not until later. When you begin dating never forget that it is about the two of you, about your feelings and that no amount of gifts, large or small will make things better. If anything, large amounts of gifts early on can only have a negative effect by devaluing the whole dating experience.

The sad things is that most long term relationships crumble under infidelity or money problems. Don’t begin life with your new partner on the wrong foot. If you cannot afford an expensive dating gift, that is fine.

Our Top Dating Gifts

•Small bunches of natural flowers
•Quality perfume or cologne
•Cards and messages
•Paying for dinner
•Theater and concert tickets
•Paying for a small trip
•A well-researched book

The biggest problem in our dating world are jealous and possessive men. While they are desperate to find a woman they can love and adore, once they have found her possessive men most often do not believe they can keep hold of her due to a lack of self-confidence, self-respect and self-belief. They don’t truly believe they deserve the girl so they try and subjugate her to rely on them and increase the woman’s sense of dependency. It is all too common these days as more and more men feel uneasy about who they truly are and lack self-esteem.

The first hurdle a woman faces is in not being able to spot a jealous and possessive man in advance. He is charming and good-looking, he has the world at his feet so it appears and you have absolutely no reason to think he isn’t prince charming. And maybe he is Mr. nice-guy at this stage. But if you know then what you later discover things would be much easier.

I first spotted possessive-man-syndrome whilst working for a few years in a regular job in an English city. At the end of day I would walk home to my apartment and was always impressed as to how many boyfriends sat patiently in their cars waiting to pick up their girlfriends and wives from work. I dare say in retrospect a few were genuine but it took me some months of seeing the same faces before I cottoned on to the fact that these guys were not there for the best of reasons. The cat was let out of the bag by a woman friend who said that she could never go for a drink after work because her boyfriend didn’t like it and always insisted he picked her up from work at 5pm on the dot. If she needed to go anywhere she had to let him know in advance.

This shocking revelation may be will known to many women readers but for a guy I hadn’t realized at that time quite how large the problem was. The key issue it appears is a man’s low self-esteem. Usually the possessive and jealous guy believes his lady will be stolen away from him. He doesn’t trust her or her words of love and ignores the fact that she stays with him. He feels she is plotting to escape at any turn, looking for a way out and doesn’t really love him at all. Why? Simply because he feels he doesn’t deserve her and deep down believes she could do far better than him.

This causes the possessive man a dilemma. If she would really like to run away then how can I make her stay. Easy, what I will do is make her dependent on me, make her need me and want me and have no need to be anywhere but with me. Even if I go out every night with my male buddies. The man doesn’t love himself so he doesn’t understand why she loves him either. But he needs to feel she does, so he needs to have demonstrations as to how far she will go for him. He will promote the positive attitude of staying at home together and group social activities will be extinguished. At home you are where he can see you.

As a relationship develops the possessive man will find ways of ensuring you are there for him. He will create fictitious scenarios where he needs your help and assistance which affect your social routine. Rather than meeting friends you will be assisting him. Of course at first this is all part of romantic relationship building. After all you want to spend as much time as possible with the man you love. Bit by bit he will divorce you for your everyday friends and activities, even spending time illustrating how your friends are not really your true friends. He is isolating you for his own needs.

Once he has done that he will also then criticize you and make you feel bad about yourself to ensure that you too have low self esteem. If you don’t feel good about yourself then how will anyone else ever want you. He will tell you how lucky you are to have him and he will always love you for who you are. And eventually he will build up that degree of dependence (and fear) so much that you will truly believe that what he says is true. Your own identity becomes a thing of the past and your friends will make many worried comments to you that you will ignore or make excuses for.

At this stage you are now where he wants you, isolated and dominated. He feels better about himself because you depend on him, but he will never trust you, because he will always believe that there is a conspiracy that you will escape. That you don’t really love him after all. He needs constant demonstration and proof that you do. Your friends and his will not know any of this though they may suspect. He will still be the great social guy in groups. Bit it can get to the point where you dread going out socially in case you get a hard time when you get home. This my friends, is not what your life is all about. This isn’t why we date and have relationships. Yes we all want to feel desired, wanted and loved in our lover’s eyes. But not like this.

A little jealousy, ironically can go along way. Women (and men) like being loved and wanted and a secure arm round the waist drawing you in can be great fun. Small amounts of jealousy (very small in a playful way) can be attractive and sexy. But its knowing when things have gone too far that matters. Many women have admitted to me that a man who has not a single jealous bone in his body cannot really love her. A man needs to show he cares by drawing her in occasionally. Both parties feel good from this. But it has to be kept under control.

There are many reasons why men are becoming more possessive in today’s society and we all have our own theories. It is possible that with the rise of women in the workplace and in determining their own independence financially and socially, that men feel increasingly threatened. Their traditional role as husband and father, the dominant voice in the household, is increasingly archaic and has little place in current society. Instead they are desperately attempting to reposition themselves in a relationship and find out what their new role really is. But old habits die hard and men still try and cling on to the ways in which they were brought up. It will take time for men to learn that they are not always the primary focus in a relationship and must give as much attention to the needs of their partner, as they give to him. And to be honest I do not expect miracles overnight.

Men who don’t feel good about their own domestic roles, their lack of masculinity, their frustrations with their own poor career, their lack of financial success, their dominant parental influences and their general lack of well-being can all assist in the progression of possessive tendencies. To own someone is not to have them. To be loved is an open invitation, not something to be captured and kept imprisoned.

A happy, confident, self-assured man doesn’t have issues about possession and jealousy. No although many aspects of a relationship may be shared, he also treasures his girlfriend’s independence and her assured separate set of values, as she does in him. Relationships are about sharing but also about retaining freedom of self expression and personal identity. Realtionships are also about innate trust.

There was an interesting article recently in a national newspaper about how dominant career women with great success and financial wealth often still had very dominant partners at home. Let us not confuse manliness and masculinity with possessiveness. Jealousy and possessiveness is about stripping away confidence, esteem and dignity. It is about subjugating and decrying the needs of the injured party for the wishes of the stronger force. That has no place in our modern world.

Jealous and possessive men are sad and pathetic creatures who are all too common today. As a woman you do not need ever to put up with them and neither do they really deserve you. The huge irony involved is that had the guy been relaxed and self-assured he would probably have never lost you in the first place, but his low self-esteem meant that he forced to happen what he most dreaded. You leaving him. If you are reading this and have yet to leave, then you will need your friends and family to assist as you are dealing with a person with serious psychological issues. He will try and keep you and will use any psychological measure he can to make you need him and come back. He will work on the weak spots he has already created in you.

But do try and take heart. Many women have been in the same situation and moved on. Even if it is very hard. As women become increasingly confident in their own lives, so some men fall away into lesser self-esteem. There are lots of really nice guys out there to date and love and the one you have is not the one who will make you happy, whatever he says. It can take a long time to heal some of the trauma you have been put through, but the fact is, it is your life and your world and if you want to do whatever you like to make yourself happy, that is 100% your prerogative to do so. We don’t need jealous and possessive men in this world and the sooner they sort themselves out without your help, the better.

Danger Signals:

•Dismay and suggestions as to how you should dress
•Overly concerned about where you are going when socializing
•Insistence on escorting you to mundane places
•Interference with your social plans
•Excessive phone calls to know your whereabouts
•Overly intense nature to anything
•Inability to communicate and discuss
•Putting you down and anything that makes you feel inferior
•Lack of outlook and poor self-esteem or lack of confidence
•Dominant overtones in domestic arrangements
•Aggressive temper and unreasonable attitude to minor details

The end of a date can be awkward or it can be exhilarating. Should you lean in for a kiss? Will she give you her phone number? What will he think if you invite him in? If your date has gone poorly or if you’ve definitely decided you are not interested in seeing this person again, is the end of the date an appropriate time to bring this up, or should you just avoid their phone calls and pretend to have fallen off the face of the Earth? TopDatingTips.com has the answers in our top 10 list of tips for the end of a date:

1. If you really didn’t have a great time, you can always end the date early by telling a white lie about having an urgent meeting, phone call, appointment to attend to. Your date will surely not be a fool and will understand what you are trying to say, and probably will appreciate you sparing their feelings. Better still, simply be kind but truthful and point out that you don’t think you will be an ideal match, that you have had a lovely evening, but there is no chemistry/connection/whatever the issue is.

2. Never allow someone to believe there is more on offer than there really is. Do not keep your options open with someone if you don’t intend to call them. It is always better to end the date as a full-stop than to keep someone hanging on for weeks afterwards. Don’t falsely keep someone’s hopes up, ever.

3. If you are a guy, pay the bill or get the check, whatever you believe. This is not the moment to start quibbling over who had what from the menu and splitting things. The age of chivalry is not dead and you had the company of the lady this evening, therefore it is your task to leave an excellent and chivalrous image by getting out your credit card.

4. If the lady insists on paying half, this can be the sign of a no-strings-attached evening out and that she prefers to leave things in a very even way. If she wants to do this, it is up to you whether you wish to accept.

5. Do not plan deep throat kissing and sex immediately after unless there are extremely obvious signals. And even then, remember that you should be planning to remain an enigma at least for a few dates and resolve not to get into bed just yet. As a guy you should be planning to see her to her cab and then give her a small kiss on the cheek.

6. If you like your date, tell them. You don’t need to be explicit but you don’t need to be coy either. If you enjoyed their company be forthright and confident and tell them that you would look forward to spending more time in their company very soon. If you can arrange a second date at this stage, then do so, but only if you are serious. People do not like being made a fool of or being let down.

7. Do not try to avoid hurting someone’s feelings by pretending you like them more than you really do. If you had a good time but won’t be seeing them again then better to leave things like that.

8. Keep things relaxed, fun and casual and if you feel they are less interested than you, then keep things open-ended and optional. That way your date will have time to reconsider.

9. If you are a guy see your date safely to a cab or her car and do not make her feel any pressure whatsoever. If you are a girl then ensure you feel comfortable with this happening. If you prefer to see yourself to a cab then do so.

10. And finally but perhaps controversially, don’t offer friendship as substitute. This is a date and has it’s basis in romance. Ultimately you will find friends in many different places, but you should view dating as the possibility of establishing romance as your foremost priority.

Always remember that dating is a step-by-step process. Each first date is an opportunity to either build on the relationship or cut your losses and seek another one. Act accordingly.

This is the language where you don’t need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man and sending the get lost signal to the wrong man.

Eyeing Up the Prize

The more eye contact you establish with the target the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself. This will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you — a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare and flash a smile.

If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. While having a conversation, looking at the ceiling and around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.

First Impressions Count

You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor and he doesn’t give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren’t dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best. You never know. You just might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.

The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)

Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you’re open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the brave, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the “accidental touch” when reaching for the salt.

Hands jammed in pockets, cleaning eyeglasses or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Finger tapping, drumming, pointing or wagging are also signals to move on.

Stand Out

Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you’re conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. Also, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.

Crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.

A Few Extra Tips

Hopefully by now you have an attack plan for when it’s time to get down and dirty, or when it’s best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:

• You’ll know things are going really well when you begin “mirroring” one another’s body language and gestures.

• Don’t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through with. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.

• Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standingfor the body language game.

• If you try your hand at it, and he’s not responding, abort the mission immediately.

• Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.

And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, “Looking for Love.”